Why do some have a bad image of themselves and others don't?
As before mentioned, the way we perceive ourselves has usually little to nothing to do with our personality, nor has it to do with the person we essentially are. This is, in my humble opinion particularly true for people who aren’t self-confident or over-confident.
The mechanisms can be explained in a fictional example:
A baby gazelle is caught in midst of a pack of hyenas and since it’s very little. Somehow it has managed to survive until being adult getting injured but never killed numerous times. Unfortunately, it’s instinct makes that gazelle believe that it’s “so called” parents, brothers and sisters (all hyenas) will love her/him, treat her/him well. Instead, all the hyenas have a very aggressive and antagonistic behavior towards the gazelle, trying to kill her.
But that poor gazelle in its ignorance insists to believe in the hyenas and to stay in their environment, trying as hard as it can to get the hyenas’ affection, but only to end up depressed, exhausted and stripped of self-belief, love, affection and all the good things in life. I’d bet, it’d also believes to be responsible of its misery if gazelles could think like humans.
The above-mentioned example would be nothing more than the natural behavior of hyenas towards their victim. In nature however, the baby gazelle would either be eaten by the hyenas unless it manages to run away and find it’s herd where it’d find affection, protection, etc. And, of course, the gazelle would need to get away from the hyena pack first, as other peaceful animals would never place themselves in the midst of a hyena pack just to befriend the gazelle that is there.
​
For humans of course the situation is much more complex, but at least we won’t get eaten those that surround us. On the other hand, the chance to get caught in a antagonistic environment, to be tied to bad people that have a hyena kind of nature is a reality for many people and children. The usual result is what’s called “Complex Post-traumatic stress disorder.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder
For the hyena, the predator the situation is very different. If a hyena cannot catch and eat its prey it would be permanently stressed, angry, full of hate and reassessments towards that gazelle that is so agile, graceful despite being on her/his own. Despite constantly failing the hyenas would probably still convince themselves to be stronger, better, the top of the food chain.
It’s a good comparison with narcissist people, saying this I think I’m probably a bit too mean with the hyenas! But for sure both aren’t nice, nor are they graceful. Narcissists, due to their arrogance and rigidity of mind, they never learn from others and remain very dumb. On top they aren’t independent, relying on others and usually behaving (throwing tantrums, shout, being defiant, etc) like a 4-year-old child.
What makes us believe that others are great and we aren't or the opposite?
Swadyaya is a very powerful tool in the arsenal of yoga philosophy, and it allows us to think outside the box. It helps everybody practicing it to bring out from within the best in each individual. Western society emphasizes very much external influences and it has a severe impact on our perceptions. This changes the way we look at ourselves. Swadyaya has its own particular approach to tackle negative self-perception or feelings, whether they are real or simply understood as such. By establishing a self-perception based on systematic and precise observation combined with logical reasoning, Swadyaya offers a more objective view of the world that is not biased excessively by external aspects or influences. Capable to strip the power of internal or external negative influences, such as the manipulative impact of abusive people, a healthy and objective perception of oneself can be established.
​
Example of logical reaction vs bad reaction towards a toxic person
The most important thing is to recognize the childish behavior (shouting, sulking, tantrums, etc.) of someone. When this is the norm in your environment, you perhaps find yourself acting in such a way. You might simply not know any better. But, if possible, such behavior should be recognized and left to others.
Logical Thinking Applied:
A: Irritated, unkind, condescending, and arrogant, says to B, "You're completely stupid. You can't do anything. You don't even know the basics!" A treats B like a child.
B: Frowns
A: Loudly says, "Don't you have anything to say about that?"
B: Sighs and says, "Not really." Then B leaves the place and leaves A to her/himself.
A follows B and says, "Because of you, I always end up in a mess. You have to do this and that for me right now!"
B says, "You can do it yourself."
A loudly insists, "No, you have to do it. I can't do it right now... because I don't have time."
B calmly replies, "Well, I suggest you manage your time better."
A angrily screams, "You're not responsible. It's always a mess because of you, especially for me. You just don't want to do it!"
B ignores A, shakes her/his head, and walks away.
A follows, physically holds B's arm back and throws a tantrum.
B waits until A is finished and says, "Three minutes ago, you told me I can't do anything and treated me like a child."
A proudly but silently agrees with B's statement.
B continues, "But I don't take such disrespectful behavior and you as a person seriously."
A rages with anger and screams, "You owe me an explanation! Etc etc"
B continues to ignore A, waiting until A is done to avoid further pursuit.
Then B says, "Whatever. The reason for my attitude is that you depict others as childish and irresponsible, and one minute later, you're throwing a tantrum and screaming like a 4-year-old, just because apparently, you can't manage without me. As already mentioned, I don't take that and such childish behavior seriously! To me, it's pathetic and ridiculous when an adult behaves like that."
Thinking that has become illogical due to intimidation:
A: Irritated, unkind, condescending, and arrogant, says to B, "You're completely stupid. You can't do anything. You don't even know the basics!" A treats B like a child.
B: Looks frightened and says nothing.
A: Loudly says, "Don't you have anything to say about that?"
B: Sighs and attempts to justify her/himself. Then B tries to leave the place.
A harshly demands that B stays and says, "Because of you, I always end up in a mess. You have to do this and that for me right now!"
B says, "I don't have time right now."
A loudly insists, "No, you have to do it! I can't do it now because my time is more important than yours."
B nervously responds, "I can't do it right now for reason X (which is very important)."
A angrily screams, "You're not responsible. It's always a mess because of you, especially for me. You just don't want to do it!"
B starts doing what A demanded, and can't fulfill the responsibility for task X anymore.
Chakra psychology & SWADYAYA
Vy d'êtra 25
2000 Neuchatel
SWITZERLAND
We Accept
TEL: +41 (0)77 523 04 23
E-MAIL: yogaswadyaya@gmail.com